Stuff I Wish I Could Do

Everybody has at least one thing they can do well, even me.  Still, there's a lot of stuff I wish I could do, some attainable, some not so much, some requires talent, or hard work, and some of it is about just plain luck.  Since I haven’t stumbled across a grungy old oil lamp that needs polishing, most of these wishes won’t come true.  That reality doesn’t stop me from thinking about it, though, so here’s my short list:

Carry a tune.  I can sing, and I do sing, often.  But man, what I would give for it to sound good.

Meet Meryl Streep.  Because I think we’d be great friends.  Which is probably what a stalker would say.  And I want to make it very, very clear that I am not a stalker and have no plans to become one. But even without the friendship thing, I still really want to meet her.  I mean, she’s Meryl Streep!

Change people’s minds when they’re being stupid.  But as Forest Gump’s mama always said, “Stupid is as stupid does,” so I try to set a good example and hope a thing or two soaks in.

Know the right thing to say at the right time.  I once worked with a woman who always said the right thing just when it needed to be said.  It was like a superpower.  As for me, I might figure out something later, when it’s completely useless, but I would really love to provide sound advice, a workable solution, or a clever comeback in the moment.

Be cool.  I’m overly sincere, nerdy, shy and awkward.  So cool is out for me.  I am, to my credit, good at spotting cool.  That’s something, at least. 

Travel.  There are so many places I’d like to see in person in order to make my Instagram account the envy of all my followers.  Just kidding – I want to travel for totally selfish reasons and to heck with Instagram.

Sleep.  Sleeping is hard, and I’m really bad at it.  Getting comfortable, relaxing, letting go, falling asleep, staying asleep.  My sleep deficit is a steep debt that I’ll never be able to repay.

Visit family more often.  They live on the opposite coast, and it’s too darned expensive to go out there as often as I would like.  We’re all getting older, milestones are being reached, memories are being made, but there is an entire country separating us. 

Win the lottery.  So many of the other things I wish I could do would come true if I could simply figure this one out.  And yes, I play.  Sheesh.

Draw.  It’s such an incredible talent, and although I’ve tried, I just don’t have it.

Start over as a parent knowing the things I know now.  Specifically, I would go back and undo that time I accidentally hurled a rock into my baby’s forehead.  Because I have the worst aim in the world.  Although, my kids are fairly amazing, so if I started over, they might not be the human beings they now are.  But I’d like to make the whole growing up thing a better experience for them, and maybe just a tad less stressful for me.

Do a cartwheel.  I never could, even when I was relatively young and flexible and strong.

Have thick, curly hair.

Beatbox.  Beatboxing is so ultimate. 

Sky dive.  But I am so afraid of heights, my palms start sweating if I even think about jumping out of a plane. Excuse me, I have to put my head between my knees and breathe into a paper bag.

Meditate.  Calm and clear my mind.  Sadly, it’s like a pachinko machine up there.  It’s probably not a stretch to assume this is related to my sleeping issues.

Be less insecure.  I’m working on this one, but it’s not so easy to overcome a lifetime of feeling inadequate. 

Corollary:  stop caring what other people think.  Or at least care a little less. 

Eat and drink whatever I want without consequences.  Like an entire bag of potato chips washed down with a whole bottle of wine.  Or a complete cheesecake.  Or an obscene amount of spaghetti.  If I were a poet, I would write an epic ode to spaghetti.  Spaghetti is the best.

While I am generally grateful for my life of gracious plenty, it doesn’t stop me from wondering how it would feel if one or two of the things on my wish list came true.  Anybody know how to get in touch with Meryl Streep?