The complexity of communication

com·mu·ni·ca·tion (kəˌmyo͞onəˈkāSH(ə)n/)

noun - the imparting or exchanging of information or news

Sounds simple, right?  And at its heart, sure, the concept of communication is simple.  You let me know something, I respond, repeat as necessary, and the expected result is that an idea has been shared to the satisfaction of both parties.

But we’ve all had a misunderstanding or even an argument that illustrates darned well the complexity of communication.  Ever struggled to figure out why a fussy baby is crying? While you read this, do you know which words I’m emphasizing, if I’m trying to be funny, what I might be exaggerating, or when I’m completely sincere?   

The words we say are just a small part of what we communicate.  Intent, mannerisms, and personal experience all influence purpose and perception.  We can communicate without saying a word (let me add that I am mightily jealous of anyone who can raise one eyebrow at a time - I’ve tried, I’ve practiced, but the tiny progress I’ve made leaves me looking like a lunatic, which is hardly ever the message I like to convey).  Body language can reinforce a message, contradict it, or even speak for itself, but in any event, it’s a powerful component of communication. 

Let’s get back to that fussy baby.  The diaper has been changed, the bottle given, the temperature checked, and still the baby cries.  Information has been imparted, and even received, but can’t be interpreted.  It’s a frustrating, challenging obstacle, but like so many challenges, it can be overcome with practice, experience, and patience.

Communication is by no means limited to humans.  My dog will growl when he’s cranky, when he’s playful, and when he wants a cheeseburger (of course, he always wants a cheeseburger, he’s a dog – but his brain is tiny and cheeseburgers can’t always get mindshare).  And those are just his growls.  He also has several different barks (ok, fine, yaps - he’s a small dog), snorts and grunts, that all have their own meaning.  My cat has an entire vocabulary of meows that can mean anything from “feed me,” to “pay attention to me,” to “the dog is mean.”  Yes, my cat is a tattletale, but to be fair, the dog is mean.  Wild animals send messages too, to warn off predators, to find a mate, to assert dominance, even to convey contentment and triumph. 

How we listen also has a significant impact on the success of communication. Hearing is easy, but paying attention is a different story.  Stop being so distracted, put your phone down and give your attention where it belongs.  Participate in the process. 

So when you have something to say, or when someone is trying to let you know something, remember that while communication is actually quite complex, there’s a great deal you can do to ease the way.  Make an effort to hear and be heard as clearly as possible.