18,250 Days Old

 For years, I thought I would lose it on this day.  That I would crawl under a rock, curl up in a ball, and sob pathetically while contemplating my imminent mortality and current irrelevance. 

It’s an option.  But I chose a different one.

Today I turn 50, and I’ve spent the last year thinking about how I can be a better person, what it would take to achieve those goals, and working hard to get there.

One year after I made that decision, I am so proud of myself and can honestly say I’m a happier person than I was a year ago.

I joined a gym, got strong (relatively), changed my diet, and lost weight. I visited my family on the other side of the country (an expensive trip that I didn’t think I could afford). I found a new job that is rewarding, challenging, makes me feel like I make a valuable contribution, and gives me back an important piece of my life that I haven’t had in a long time.  Most importantly, I opened myself up to new experiences.  I stopped telling myself I couldn’t and started believing that I could.  Obstacles became challenges.

It wasn’t all rainbows and puppies, of course, but when things went south, I didn’t dwell or wallow.  Instead, I put my fists on my hips Wonder-Woman-style and chanted “I am a badass.  I am a badass.  I am a badass.”  That mantra goes a long way toward making problems seem surmountable.

This year’s goals?  Only two (so far):  1) go zip-lining; and 2) do a pull up.

So instead of spending my day teary-eyed and lamenting how much of life has passed me by, I’m going to focus on how lucky I am, contemplate what I’ve accomplished, and get excited about the year to come.  My kids are amazing, my marriage is happy, I love my job, I’ve come a long way, baby. All in all, life is good and I had a fabulous year – time to celebrate!