Reconnecting

Recently, someone important to me died.  I have two brothers, and they’re pretty good, as siblings go.   But having Dyana in my life was what I imagined it would be like to have a sister.  We lived together, went to school together, socialized together.  When my favorite blouse went missing, I knew I could find it in her closet (or her bedroom floor, whichever). Side by side, we shopped for prom dresses and learned to drive.

After college, we slowly grew apart, and ultimately I made the difficult decision that being her friend wasn’t healthy for me.  But I never stopped loving her or the relationship that we once had.  Because she was frequently in my thoughts, I occasionally stalked her on Facebook and asked mutual friends what she was up to.

What none of this subterfuge told me, though, was that she was sick.  On July 6 of this year, she passed away from an extended illness.  Strangely, I had just made the decision to reach out to her and see if we could mend the rift.  I figured being a grown up, I should put whatever hard feelings I might have once had behind me for the sake of friendship.  She died the next day.  Even if I made contact as soon as I decided to, it was too late.  I hadn’t seen her for about 18 years, hadn’t spoken to her for around 15, but losing her still freaked me out. 

I’m not a hardcore Facebook user – social media in general should come with a warning similar to pharmaceutical advertising:  use of Facebook may lead to oversharing of opinions and experiences, excessive confidence in the attractiveness of one’s family, and the mistaken belief that you can change someone’s mind with logic and/or facts.  Do not operate Facebook while intoxicated.  Facebook can increase feelings of depression and may lead to suicide.  Do not take Facebook if you are allergic to Facebook or any of its ingredients. 

The one thing I do love about social media, though, is the opportunity to connect with friends.  In college I spent a lot of time writing letters (real letters, with pen, paper, postage stamps ... the works).  But as I got older, I got wrapped up in the minutiae of the life of a grown up, and lost my socialization skills.  Although friends were still important to me, my focus was so divided that friendships were what I sacrificed.

Dyana’s death ignited a spark in me.  I immediately got in touch with the group of friends that were most important to me in

high school.  Thanks to one of them, a subset of us have started a group text, in which we share what our days are like, give each other support, and cheer each other’s accomplishments.  I’ve reconnected with a college roommate whom I cherish.  I have a trip to my hometown coming up, and have scheduled visits with friends I haven’t seen in years, some since graduation.  It strikes me that for the most part, I had really good taste in friends way back then, because they’ve become adults I admire and respect. 

Another very dear friend of mine moved to Australia many years ago.  I’m extremely fortunate that in spite of how bad I am at keeping in touch, she never gives up on me.  She just let me know that she’ll be in town this weekend, and I couldn’t be happier, knowing that in just a few days we’ll get to spend time together.  

While it’s absolutely true that people come and go in our lives, we’ll come across some keepers now and again.  Hang on to them, even if only via the occasion email.  Let them know that they are on your mind and in your heart.  If it strikes your fancy to reach out to someone you haven’t heard from in ages, don’t hesitate.  If you do, it will be your loss, trust me.